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Grindr is a hookup that many gay men use. That not only limits the idea of what sex can be, he said, but puts unnecessary pressure on people to have a certain kind of sex. Gay men also have a plethora of dating and hook-app apps. There's also an important history behind the culture of gay sex, which is often overlooked. In the gay male community, "top" or "bottom" refers to what role you fill during penetrative sex; topping is when you're doing the penetrating, whereas bottoming is when you're receiving.

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April. Age: 30.
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Gay men can't often have anal sex spontaneously, and "top" or "bottom" is not a permanent state that says something about your personality or gender role in a relationship.

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Ann. Age: 24.
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One of the few ways for gay men to safely express their sexual identity was through sex. These labels, while often offensive, can also carry negative judgment, Guggenheim said. Nonetheless, gay men often judge other gay men if they choose to abstain from anal sex, and even call them virgins, Mark said.

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